Have you heard of those lines ‘you are doing such a great job, you will make your parents really proud!’.
Everyone has heard of this line one way or another, from a stranger or a family member. When you are showing your school results, or finally got a promotion or just tirelessly working hard day in and day out but then you hear someone praising you in the background but disappointingly ending the sentence with ‘your parents will be so proud of you!’.
Isn’t that just frustrating? doesn’t that make you stop and think? Like, wait a minute! Firstly I do not give a shit if they are proud of me or not. Secondly, they should be or can be proud of me for ‘whatever I already am’. Thirdly who are you to say that for them to be proud? Should they be proud? why should they be proud or how do you know that this is making them proud or not anyway?
How do we know what is making our parents proud? I never had a sit down that if you do this and that, it will make me proud, have you?
Rather we have assumptions and unnecessary pressure on ourselves that ‘these’ are the following things I need to do in order to please our parents. I need to have good grades then they will be proud. I need to go to a good University then they will be proud. I need to get a good job, or their desired job or even follow their footsteps then they will be proud?
But have we asked ourselves why we want to make our parents proud? or have we asked our parents is it this they want from us. Did we ever have any clear conversation with our parents to clear these doubts out?
You might be asking yourself why should I even ask my parents — as I do not even believe in this ideology. Good Point! What we need to realise here is that why in the heck in the first place do we even want to make our parents proud?
Why are we not living ourselves for ourselves anymore? We should be living our lives and our futures for ourselves. We should be making life decisions for ourselves. For the best of us and the betterment for us. We should do things that make us happy and choose hobbies and jobs that fulfil our souls. We should be proud of ourselves of our achievements and even getting out of bed in our most anxious moments, because these are the little things that ‘only’ we know about, nobody else!
For a child to believe and live on the ideology of making parents proud is very harmful. As parents, this should be made very clear to their children that there is no pressure as such from their side, rather they should accept them for who they are and watching over the adult they are transforming into.
Parents should already be proud of us having the ability to think for ourselves and embark the journey of life with the freedom to make mistakes as this is what will make us grow and develop, not copying someone else’s homework step by step.
I know that we are merely a product from our parents and our surroundings but that is the whole point here that we shouldn’t be a product of our surroundings but we should rather create the life we want the way we want it by trying, doing and failing. Because it is absolutely okay to fail.
The word failure is being misinterpreted; failure merely means ‘ that something didn’t go along the way you want it but can be improved in the next try’. Like how you have to do a health and hazard induction test when newly joining a company. You do not ‘fail’ that test, rather you will keep on trying again and again, after many attempts of memorising, learning and understanding the lessons then you will come to a ‘completion’ of that test. The same analogy goes to life keep going and doing in life, keep trying and seeking until you have completed your lessons and when ‘you’ are ‘satisfied’ with the results.
Hence, in this case, parents cannot say that there are so much pressure and responsibility on their shoulders, I do understand to an extent, however children are the one that have an enormous amount of pressure from every direction; if that is from their parents, peer pressure, teachers expectations or even society standards. But to make it easier for both sides, all we need to do is to ‘let go’ a bit more. Parents should let go of their children’s unhealthy attachment and children should let get of assumptions and expectations.
Selfishness is not a bad trait. Selfishness is being seen as narcissistic, cocky and arrogant. Selfishness is something that not many people want to tick the box to have in their list of qualities. It is portrayed as being a bad person. But are you a bad person when you are taking care of your own needs? Selfishness is rather really healthy. It is important for us to have the ability to see inside of us and have the power to identify what makes us happy and satisfied! This is something that we need as human creatures. To be able to identify our emotional and mental needs and to be able to make choices on what works for us what doesn’t!
Try to remove this idea of pleasing others in society to be able to live our lives on the fundamentals where you choose options based on your own happiness and benefits. What is it that will make our lives better, happier and enjoyable? Is it that drama course over the science course, is it that interior design degree over an engineering degree, is it working for a startup rather than a traditional company?
You know yourselves better than anyone else, better than your mother and father. You know where your strengths and weaknesses lie. Not that person that has physically taken care of you for 12 years, or that best friend since childhood, you can take guidance and clarification but ultimately you have that privilege with the final decision!
Do not live your life to make others proud, you are the one that should be writing your fate not massaging someone else’s ego because you were the one that has lived in your mind forever!
